081108 | Open inverted comma

Write. Write a blog. Type in to a blog.

Why do I bother to start this blog? I question myself this particular second.

A contradicting question as for I had typed in the first few sentences already. By that, it has ended the negation in myself to document my own thoughts in to a sort of personal documentation. Never in my life have I written about what has been going across my mind. I’ve always felt redundant of the idea to write such documentation like a diary, journal, log etc. Leave the past disappear, live fully in the present. Personally I never ever did write anything on how I would view things before, how did I felt before or maybe how would I analyze any happenings around my life. I have always kept everything within myself.

As a kid before, I would prefer to draw or sketch unrelated images to what’s in mind. Ugly is how I would define these sketches I did. Horrid lines forming bits and pieces on paper.

In school I discovered preferable music that talked to me. Read couple of books and fanzines then. Fascinated in a way, how fantastic writers would compile such thoughts in to a piece of work. Sincere with the sense of by being certain with whatever came in to their minds. Filth illustrated in details of exquisiteness. Mondo-bizarre. I attempted to do my own fanzine. Cut and pasted some pictures, some preferred lyrics of songs and posted some interviews with some inspiring bands I’ve been in contact before. Photocopied 8 copies of my compiled zine, sold 4 pieces, gave 2 pieces to my close friends and kept the rest with me. I wasn’t confident in letting people to read it. There was nothing purely spilled from my own mind. It ended while I was on the second issue.

As I grew older, I was introduced to the six string music instrument. I started to learn on how to make use of it. I wasn’t that good but I did do some songs. I never really placed in any exact words to what I really felt or thought in those own songs of mine. Always did divert it so I wouldn’t be hooked up to it whenever I tried to play or sing it. Statements in vagueness. Started my own band. Started another band. Then joined another band.
For about 20 years, I’ve never dared myself to write on what I really wanted to write. There were times where I would hold a pen or place my fingers scarcely above the computer keyboard. I would just stare on that blank white. Then leave it as a blank white. My mind would go blank white too. My spirits then turned off in a sudden.

Why this blog? Seems I typed out more than a couple of sentences now.
This year has been quite a year, the 8th year after millennium. A soul reassured me 2 months ago, spill it out. I’ve been giving it a thought. Well, maybe its time I filled in these blanks.